Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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