..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
