She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
