Got a toothbrush?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize