We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
