i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
