we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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