I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
