I am puke
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
