Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
