I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize