She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
