FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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