we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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