so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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