Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
