Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
