I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
