I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
