Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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