i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
