What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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