Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Everyone says I win the strip club
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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