I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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