I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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