I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
