did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
