are you still at the devil's house?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
