She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
