why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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