dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
