dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
