I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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