That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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