I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
