Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
