dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
