I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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