I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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