Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
