you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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