My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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