At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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