I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
