we have officially lost it.
That's intense
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
