I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
