Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
