when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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