I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
