just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
