I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
