alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
