All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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