What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm passing your future prison.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she peed on how many people?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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