i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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