He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
