Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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