I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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