I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
