I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You ate ashes out of my bong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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