Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
