Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
