11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
