and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
