i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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