you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
